____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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