NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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