i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
