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I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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