youre lurking in front of me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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