Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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