Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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