i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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