I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
