i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
