So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You ruined the universe
Randomize
