The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
