the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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