i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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