plz talk dirty to me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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