College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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