Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
