I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
