I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
