Your face is a jimmy john
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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