do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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