It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize