Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
