Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
