she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
