I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
