Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
