already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
