Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
