I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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