too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize