i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
