My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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