Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
