If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize