I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
