Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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