I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We need a shit load of segways right now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
