we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
