the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
