i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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