Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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