I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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