Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
