Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
