it was like his penis was on wheels.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
