If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
