I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
