I wish my penis had an off switch
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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