Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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