So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
