And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
