Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
