I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
