I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
