I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
