we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
