Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
