Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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