I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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