I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
