sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
