I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When did angry sex become our thing?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize