I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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